The Choice Will Be Made–With or Without You

My mom with my new grandson

My mother ended up in hospice in a beautiful facility. All her meals were done. People came to visit her. And her last comment to me was, “You should have put me here in the first place.”

I just shook my head.

Mom, you don't get into hospice unless you're dying. They don't let you in unless the doctor says there's no hope. And you took your time deciding whether you would stop trying different remedies.

But we might have done something in the interim. We might have talked through options. We might have prepared.

Except she wouldn't.

I tried once. I said, “Mom, maybe we should talk about what next steps are when you can't live on your own anymore.”

Her answer was, “No.” That was the last word she spoke on that subject.

And so we waited. Until the crisis decided for us. As I said earlier, "The Choice Will Be Made—With of Without You."

She had put her own mother in what we called an “old age home” back then. Her mother hated every minute of it. My mom hated doing it. That was her memory. That was her expectation of what retirement homes were like.

But things have changed. Dramatically.

She never got to see that. Because she wouldn't talk about it.

You can't plan in the last month. You can't prepare when you can no longer speak for yourself. The time to talk about this is now. While you still have a choice.

Ed Zinkiewicz

Your Aging-in-Life Strategist

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